Culture Grant

"Man never treasures his possession until he loses it."
So often I have heard of this lament that this proverb emerge in my zombie-infesting-state-of-mind all of a sudden while entering data in the dull office. A son loses his dad and realise that he had not been communicating with him much before. A man loses his wife only to wish that his spouse would nag at him more. A NS leaver regrets the days that he spent bumping around in his school days, where he used to enjoy the luxury to study in one.

They hope time would turn back once more.

"Taking things for granted."
This is what the majority might explain it with. But this ability is what man are born with - it's in the basic instinct. Initially, it sounds to me as unjust to take things for granted (TTFG). But the more I dwell into the thoughts, I begin to align myself to the TTFG culture. Since the present society and human nature is designed to be such, I would rather enjoy the process of TTFG at the time of incident than to reflect during post-incident with "why didn't I treasure the moments I had earlier? I should not have TTFG!!...."

How to we measure the term "treasure" or "cherish" then? When we always lament that we had not treasured the times until we lose it forever, how do we actually consider it being treasured? Eventually, it will still be gone forever. The pain for the lost will emerge without fail, regardless of whether the times are being cherished or not. It is redundant for such a lament.

I decided to justify "treasure and cherish" as being able to enjoy the process of TTFG, leaving no regrets, although granted things are hard to identify most of the time.. But what more can I expect from it? It is already a grant.

For the remedy to the pain, or rather the prevention, I borrow a phrase from Master Yoda: "learn to let go of the things you fear losing, you must."

Tenant VS Lieu-tenant

No more walking around in underwear anymore. No more changing clothes without closing the door. No more singing out loud in the shower. No more coming out of shower wrapped in towel. No more wearing shorts without underwear at home. No more peeing with toilet door open. No more doing push-ups or crunches in the middle of the living room.

Indirectly, my privacy had been invaded, by China.

It had been 3 days since the couple from China settled down in my house. And for the 3 days, I had only met the man twice, and the never seen the lady's face. Gone are the days where there are only men in the house. Although the house normally stinks and messes like, well, a man's house, I have gotten used to life without woman in the home. It is disturbing to see fallen long hair littering the bathroom tiles.

I did not even bother to show my face when dad first showed the couple round the house. The only incentive is the $350 per month for me to settle bills with, substantially reducing the contributions required of my income in months to come.

For 3 days, the couple had really acted like a fresh tenant. They shy away from us most of the time, only to retreat to the room after reaching home and bathing. They lead a life with no entertainment, no TV, no music, no socialising. Only the husband, the wife, and the room. God knows what kind of entertainment they can have in a room. It could be that they are trying to minimise the intrusion of our lifes, or it could be the other way round. Either way, it would mean a little change in lifestyle I could exercise in the house.

I believe 除此之外

30 April 2005
My audition timing was 12pm, but I had reached Mediacorp at 11am. The heat of the weather did nothing to subside the anxiousness. However, I know that I had begun to know of myself and my standards after the previous singing contest. I found a simple yet beautiful song that I can confidently project. Continuous repetition of the song "I Believe" in my head had made the waiting time short. When the reception opened at 12pm, I was, surprising, the first in the queue, before it lengthened to form a snake.

Soon, we were led to a waiting hall. We were told to wait after collecting our numbers. When nothing else occupied my mind, the anticipation only grows stronger and unstable. Every breath I took were deep ones to soothe the racing heartbeat. So were the ones beside me, I could hear and feel them well. The hundred over potential candidtates in the hall were mostly quiet. Soon in groups of 10, we were led to the corridor outside a room. I was the first in my my group. Entering the brightly lit room, I stood uncomfortably in front of the mic stand to intoduce myself to the 3 judges. The song went smoothly until the chorus when I stumbled on the lyrics, yet again. The judges, who seemed impressed initially, cut me after my error. That's it, I thought. The judges went on to comment about me, my outfit, everything but how I fared in the sing.

Judge: "you dress like ah-beng, and look like one."
me: (surprised and amused) "is it my goatie?"
Judge: "no. That's pretty fine. It's your hair. Get it straightened."
me: (surprised and amused, and smiled)
Judge: "no, don't smile. Your smile don't look nice. It's your teeth. Get it straighted when you have the time. You can go for the "cool" style, something like Louis Koo."
me: "I will for the teeth if I have the money." (smiled without showing teeth) "Thanks"
Judge: "now look at the light"

The green light lit.

I walked out of the room to be applauded by the other 9 untested fellows. Chen Wenchong came forward with a camera man for a brief interview. Afterwhich he advised, "shave it (goatie) off. I'm serious. Audiences wouldn't like it. Do you trust me? Shave it off."

2 out of the 10 in my group passed the first round. The other is a clean looking 26 year old chap who look and sound like Guan Liang. We had a short chat and eventually shared a cab out. We were the 600 out of the 4000.


7 May 2005
The 2nd round at IMM building. I only managed to steal a peek at of the stage after much squeezing amongst the crowd. Most contestants had fantanstic voices albeit, only to me or some audiences perhaps. The judges never hesitated to press the bell to cut it off most of the time, probably due to the cruel fact that they had been and have to audition some 300 guys for the whole bloody day. I was among the last batch to go in.

From the few that sucessfully made it into the third round, I drew observations that the judges paid great attention to the stage appeal and confidence, followed by the voice quality and the looks. Some really wonderful did not made it in, some managed to impress with looks that can kill, some tried to pull stunts like somersault and backflip (yes, he got in).


I chose to perform 除此之外. I had difficulty finding a right place to really practise it for the past week. I did not dare to project at home in fear of disturbing the neighbours. As a result, I only muttered and rewind the song non-stop in my mind whilst on the desk during office hours.

The judges pressed the bell the moment I reached the chorus. Unlike most contestants, there was no comments at all. A short "thank you" and I passed the mic before going down stage to meet host Jeff Wong with a smile. It was a fast yet long moment, and I was satisfied with myself. This puny and short experience point gained is surely a precious one. I shall carry on to source for places or events to perform.

Maybe I should have heeded Chen Wenchong's advice to shave it off. The other chap who passed the first round with me from the same group was one of the 20 odd contestants out of the 300 on that day. I am waiting to see him performing from the screen soon. Disregarding the fact that he still owed me the cab fare, I will vote for him.

If you don't show me the door, I'll dig my way through

I've met Mr Wu, the influential retiree in Ang Mo Kio, whom I heard might be able to give a hand by connection through his extended network. Although he can't help me personally, he told me to mention his name in the OCBC bank in Ang Mo Kio.

I've met Mr Albert Tan, the manager of the OCBC bank. He told me that his bank does not provide for SIM students. He suggested Maybank or DBS. DBS spoke the same of OCBC, and Maybank dished out unrealistic terms and condition in my point of view.

I've approached the Community Development Council, for I heard of an educational scheme. The information counter told me that that was for young married couples who are providing for their children's education.

I've approached the Resident Council, just in pure hope. The receptionist bluntly told me that there was no scheme to help me.

I've approached my uncle, who just found a job after 9 months of retrenchment. He would try to help. But I would suggest he help his son, who is going to graduate from Raffles Institution in a couple of years.

I've approached my mother, a retiree at the age of 46. She and her family had enough to support the home expenses, and their son to university in the far future. Does that entitle me a loan of 23K from them, then?

I've met Assoc Professor Chin Tet Yuen, MP from the Sembawang Town Council. After expessing his deepest sympathy in light of my situation, he advise that I work a couple of years more to stablise myself financially.

I've drafted a letter to MOE, which depicts a desperate attempt to convince them to fund me. Vicky told me that she had a friend who succeeded in accepting a grant from MOE.

This is no doubt a retribution of the complacency that saw me through my days in schools, from Primary to Junior College. I took education for granted in a knowledge-based society like Singapore. I never expect it to be this tough in an attempt to pursue studies. For those who went through this smoothly, you are blessed, and saved from the desperation plight. MOE shall perhaps be my last hopeful resort.

Man, I'm reaching my wit's end.

Jialong's 21st Birthday

30 April 2005. This is the most pleasant bithday celebration that I had attended, out of the many 21st birthday celebrations I've been to. All credited to the Peiyun, the mastermind behind every scene, it was a successful turnout and a successful surprise party for Jialong.

It almost looked like a wedding day, when the horde of friends and relatives hogged the corridor outside his unit. The mastermind had gathered everyone to ambush Jialong right at his home. While he was told to meet everyone in town later on, he was still slacking around at home, probably prepared to be late. After the trespassing, I saw everyone in the house filled with the victorious smile of a successful raid on their pal. It was, too, a joyous smile.

The party carried on at the BBQ pit beneath the block, where kids from the neighbourhood even joined in the fun. It seemed as if everyone present in the park commentated the occasion. The smoke rose from the pit, laughters broke almost non-stop from the horde, kids with their skipping ropes, the soccer fanatics and their ball, the birthday boy and his face of cream... Like May had descirbed, it is filled with love. A lovely day.

The little BBQ pit beneath the block is a cosy park that integrates people playing soccer and volleyball at the court, and children with their childhood games at the playground. With the right people, the right location, the right time, accomodated by the right weather, it's all for Jialong. He deserves this.