Choked

At least for the past 3 years, I recalled that my birthday wishes were identical. I foresee that I would have to wish the same wish for another decade or so. Anyway making wishes is just but a routine when a lit cake is presented to your face, and they never will come true by laws of nature, whether or not the content is leaked out to a second party. In the end it's still up to the individual to make it come true.

Consecutively, I have been receiving Marlboro lights as a gift since last year. And typically, they were not decorated with rotten throats or an alienated baby on the box. Last year was one pack from Ivan, this year was 3 packs from Lam, Indonesian and Malaysian respectively (not of the person).

School term has commenced, a full time student finally, who can enjoy student rates on weekday lunches. Work at Compass Point carries on, a full time salesman enjoying worker's welfare. There are a few links within the multi-tasking. I am able to pay fees via interest free instalment scheme, and able to claim from company textbook purchases required by school under the welfare system.

Sounds good, but

I feel fucking suffocated.

The Constant Factor

I've just watched The Truman Show.
Today is one rare early day for me.
My most recent 2.4km timing: 1 year older = 1 minute slower
I missed my mum's birthday, mother's day and father's day this year, without a wish.
I have not drawn for a year.
I talk to strangers almost everyday.
I'm starting school full time come August.
But I can't bid for my time table cuz I logged in late to see no slots left available. I'm still full time at work, but transferred out of Paragon.
Current location: Compass Point
I visited the dentist for the first time since after army 2 years back.
My last KTV was 3 weeks ago.
The last time I can sing like myself was 2 months back. Throat doesn't seem to recover fully.
My last soccer game was a month ago. It used to be daily.
My last match with Messina Greats was 3 months ago. It is a weekly commitment.
I spent majority of my active time talking to strangers.
At work, I am in the process of self discovery, and at the same time, losing my usual self.
I discover more flaws than pros.
I am still with me, just that I've lost my passions to life.
It was an unpleasant change.

Change is required to fuel the progress of life. The fuel burns an element called passion in the natural reaction. As a result, life goes on.

Need For Speed

At the sight of flashing lights one street away, I buckled up as though an office worker would maximise his page of excel to hide the minesweeper when boss came out of his office. Uncle cabby says, "road block again. Let's make a turn before the junction," and there he made a professional left negotiation to embark on the detour.

And cabby carried on with his cab talk, the trade when customers pay to entertain his driver. As I sat back calmly to immerse in the perfect match of indian-filled accent with jasmine aroma and hindu goddess pictures, I sensed an involuntary gradual rise in the rate of my heart beat. One not out of fear or panic, but that of adrenaline rush. Turning my attention to outside the window, I witness that the street lamps were already racing towards where we came from.

As we cruise through the empty yellow-lit highway, the imagined silence outside the car revealed the set in of the late night - so cool so relax. However, my heart beat never attempt to synchronise with ambience.

"One-forty", cabby blurps out suddenly, with a sense of cheeky pinch.

I rolled my eyes to the clock installed above the gearbox. "Uncle, now already 2plus lo."

He was silent for a moment, and he went, "one-sixty!" Now, with an obvious tone to show off.

My eyeballs rolled further to the right. The bigger and brimming clock was 4 o' clock - 5 minutes before the markings on the clock come to a blank. I awed a silent "woah" to myself, finally satisfied with the answer to the unexplained anxiety.

The retired Malaysian racer took less than 10 minutes to race me home from Ang Mo Kio to Woodlands.

Bed

Been on my bed for 18 hours.

While weeks ago i begged for boredom to bring me from away from lifeless work life, now on a rainy off day, I am corroding in the merciless hands of boredom.

The downpour, so soothing it cools the usually stuffy room, yet collabrated with it in the mission to dampen the soul named mood.

The melodious David Tao conveyed his concern over the speaker, but it did nothing more than to aggravate.

From dim daylight when shadow traces of raindrops reflects on my newly painted red wall, til evening do I attempt to defeat it by calling for companies.

It appeared the rest of the world is not bothered by it.

Shall I return to bed?

N . G . D

Nearest Girl Disease (NGD)- Deprivation stirred up due to long term exposure to loneliness, thus driving infected victim to a point that triggers involuntary
crushes to any decent enough lady that comes close enough within his social range.