I eagerly went for another driving lesson this morning. Lesson was supposed to start at 10am. Soon the plump Albert Yap arrived at the pick up point. I approached the car with another golden hair guy in red, smoking away. Instructor Albert Yap stared at us both, stunned. Apparently he had made a mistake and allocated 2 lessons on the same slot. In the end, he proposed to let the other guy take the lesson because his test date is near. I actually agreed and return back home. And the other student gave me cheeky smile as he says, "sorry~~". It could have been a sincere one, but I regard it as a mocking apology. Utterly pissed, I was swearing and cursing on the way back home.
This is a strong sign of my inability to express my anger when I have the right to do so. It is one important quality of a leader to be able to assert authority. I must admit I am a ultimate loser in this arena. It is even hard to recall the last time I actually fired up. It is always post-incident complaining without confrontation.
The last vivid incident that I recall was in JC2. I was truely disappointed to have heard a negative (I assumed it was negative) comment from my dream girl. After school I was on the basketball court playing soccer as ususal. I couldn't get over the comments, and as a result, I was grabbing every chance to play rough and ram the ball. One time the ball went out of the court, and rowed to the foot of a chubby cute angelic little primary school boy who happened to pass by. I named him "Xiao Pang". Xiao Pang carried on walking disregarding the ball. Out of my mind, I screamed at the top of my voice at him, howling for him to pick up the ball. I knew he was damn petrified, and I was about to walk towards him when the others grabbed on to me, trying to calm me down. Xiao Pang kept walking on in rapid steps, not daring to turn an inch of his head.
Well, this is one of the events that was registered in my "Things that I regret" list. To think that I actually vent my anger on such an innocent child. Such a disgrace. I despise myself for that. I would like to express my outmost sincere apology to Xiao Pang.
I am unable to unleash my anger at the right time at the right person. Hell do I need to go through some anger management course.
Given my rare outbreak of rage, I feel that I am apt to customer service line. I seemed to be trying to please everyone, so much so that I am like always giving welfare to the specialists and men under me back in camp. Claiming off days from me could never been so easy. They are more like friends than subordinates. I had agreed to help out a warrant to do his job even when I'm reluctant. My collegues were then saying that people are climbing on top of my head to poo on it, and I reckon this.
I awed at my friends who are able to stand on his ground so firm that he can even make himself sound correct even when he knows he's in the wrong. I applauded a friend who pee into a bottle of Chivas and toasted the other party, whom he don't like, with it.
The key is to exert an aura of confidence around yourself. It makes people wanna trust your words and ask for your opinion. In this harsh society of immense competition and trickery, when everything revolves around $$$, one has to manipulate, or be manipulated. Given my character, I would most likely be taken advantage of. No choice, but I guess I'll have learn to play punk.
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